FOX & HOUND: Spoiling Patrons with Unwanted Freebies

Rating: 2/5 Flushes
Single / Multi person: Multi
Stats: 2 toilets, 2 urinals, 1 television

Stat they need: Remote control
Amenities: Free beer, free mouthwash

On TV: Phillies, Eagles, Flyers, Sixers (if nothing else is on)
On the Walls: Drink specials for the week
Atmosphere: Go Team!

Is the Disney Movie Based on this Bar: No
Quick note on the food: Typical bar food

With their 15+ TV's, Fox and Hound will make sure you don't miss a minute of the big game, even in the bathroom. That is, if you enjoy going in the sink. There is a TV in the bathroom but you won't be able to watch it on the pot (poor choice on their part). Though you will be able to listen.  But back to the point: every bathroom should have a TV, or be able to see one.  My college dorm was setup so I could watch the living room TV in the john from reflections in the bathroom door mirror and the reflective front window of the microwave (illustrated below).  Best use of a microwave ever.

Afraid the bar food you just ordered will get cold during your trip to the bathroom?  Bring it on in with you.  Fortunately for you, they decided to replace all the bathroom ceiling lights with heat lamps.  Now you know what fast food fries and other alliterations feel like.  Need a drink with that?  Every trip to the handicapped stall comes with a complementary Bud Light (hope you like it lukewarm and half-drank!).

Other than that, this bathroom is pretty handicap-unfriendly.  The lock on the door doesn't line up so you'll actually have to lift the door up to slide the pin over.  Free workout!  And the toilet paper dispenser is actually lower than the toilet seat so enjoy those deep bends getting some.  Though I will note that the flyer of weekly specials on the stall wall is blind-friendly... being that there's nothing to read in the first place.  

Lots of people have different preferences when it comes to hand drying: blow dryer, paper towel dispenser, paper towels in an ornate dish, an old man whose sole job it is to hand out paper towels while seated next to an empty "tips" jar, making it so awkward when you're about to leave that you don't even take a paper towel and have to wipe your hands on your shirt outside the bathroom. Oh, and half-wet paper towels scattered on the sink.  Which is clearly Fox and Hound's preference.  After you're done takin care of business, head back to your table with a round a shots.  Sit back and relax while all your friends toast your generosity.  Then make a run for the door before they realize it's free mouthwash from the men's room.

CARRABBA'S: An Italian Bathroom for an Italian Grill

Rating: 3/5 Flushes

Single / Multi person: Multi

Stats: 2 toilets, 2 urinals, 1 sense of Italian hospitality

Amenities: Fake ivy

Atmosphere: Italian?

Type of dressing most likely to be found in this bathroom: Italian

Quick note on the food: Good mussel sauce.  And bread.

It's hard to believe that in my 23 years of consuming food, I've never eaten at a Carrabba's (or played Scrabble, but that's a different story for another time).  Beyond the bathroom door, you'll find your typical setup but don't be fooled, the hospitality's all in the details.  Wander your way back to the spacious handicap stall (it's ok to spoil yourself once in a while) and admire the fixed slat door. I don't know about you, but it's gotta be one of my all-time favorite kinds of slat doors.  You can see out.  But nobody can see in.  Unless they install it upside down.  In which case you should just hold it while you alert the authorities.

After doin your thing, you'll be pleasantly surprised when you reach for the tp.  Do you prefer top-feed toilet paper?  No problem, you got it.  Or do you prefer it the other way?  Aside from having a completely terrible preference in unrolling, you're in luck too.  That's right, Carrabba's took the liberty of providing you with BOTH styles of tp unrollability.  Thinking this might be just a fluke, I later checked the other stall and to my surprise, there it sat.  Another over/under combo.  Puntelli pazzo a Carrabba's.

Did your baby marsupial just mess its diaper?  Not a problem.

Finally, what Italian restaurant bathroom is complete without some fake ivy?  Throw in a naked armless statue and it's a done deal.  Plus 2 points for having ivy that's not just stenciled on the walls.  But minus points for it looking terrible.  And goodbye patriotic points altogether.

Penn State Reber Building: A Bathroom Full of Ridiculousness

Rating: 2.5/5 Flushes

Single / Multi-person: Multi

Stats: 4 urinals?, 2 stalls (one handicap)

Amenities: Lots of things that shouldn't be in a bathroom

Hand Drying: Paper towels in a dispenser

Auto / Manual Flush: Manual

Atmosphere: 70's style. Any temp. you want.

Smell: Mold and mildew

Cleanliness: Bearable

Quick note on the food: If you bought food in this bathroom I wouldn't eat it.

This bathroom is located on the second floor in the Reber building on Penn State's Campus. Being an avid user of many Penn State bathrooms, I knew what to expect when walking into it. But oh boy! I was wrong. This was no ordinary penn state bathroom.  

Upon walking through the doors you will felt like you are in one of those children's books, like wacky wednesday, where you have to find which objects are not supposed to be there. A bench, a metal cabinet and a set of lockers. YOU WIN! Now this wouldn't be so weird if Reber building was a gym, but there isn't a gym in a half mile radius of this place. The bench must be used for pep talks and I bet the four owners of those lockers are stashing away the most heavenly rolls of toilet paper.

As dirty as the floor looks, the bathroom was pretty clean for being in use since what looked to be the 1970s. The dirt had a layer of this years floor wax over it which kept things shiny and interesting.

The next scene that will catch your eye are these four objects in the corner. After many minutes of debating how to use them I decided to dive right in.  While praying that no one else would come in, I soon realized that these urinals completely reduce the amount of splash-back. Every mans dream has finally come true! But a little bit of privacy is in order. 

The stall, on the other hand (non-wiping hand), was very normal. If there is a stall out there with doors that open outward let us know, please.  It is inconvenient for the larger and clumsy men who can't get around the inward-swinging doors and end up in the toilet. If, however, you do keep your gym clothes in those lockers, don't plan on doing your pre-workout pull-ups on the stall chin-up bars because the tops are quite sharp.

The porcelain, old-style sinks will bring you back to your high school days. Plain and simple, these sinks get the job done.  The one-touch soap paper towel dispensers speed up the process.  The sheen of a metal tap between the sinks is barely noticeable to the common eye. Either the plumber was thinking of midgets when he built this faucet, or there's a foot washing station in the bathroom? (mind you, the nearest beach is over 200 miles away). It could, however, be for those rare times when you accidentally miss the toilet and need to clean up. 

Do you like your drop zone to be hot? How about extra cold? The option is now yours.  This little box on the wall is an unexpected feature that allows you to crank up the heat and sweat everything out for a total cleansing.  This bathroom has just transformed into a spa!

As you exit you will notice a glowing red light switch that will make you think "wait, am I in a bathroom or a nuclear laboratory?" However, it is confirmed that the switch does nothing (in the bathroom at least).  I, personally ran in fear that I had just set off a self-destruction device.

So, if you're in the area stop by the second floor Reber Building, that is if its still there.